i need an iv and a liver transplant
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
