I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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