I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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