There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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