I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
