Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
