Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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