i love accidental penises.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
