We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
