you have to choose: penises or morals?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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