i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My ass is underappreciated
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
