dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
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