I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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