dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
