so explain again why im purple
no
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
