I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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