If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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