Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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