i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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