If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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