he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
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no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
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Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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