Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
