he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
