i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
