He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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