a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
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I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
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The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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