I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
This house was built for laser tag.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
