I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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