mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
