I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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