if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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