who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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