im drinking this country out of the recession.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
