that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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