one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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