He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You can't just leave with hair like that
i need some magic done to my vagina
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
