I must be too annoying 4 u.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
