oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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