I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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