I just gift wrapped bread.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
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