im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
