Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
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You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
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You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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