btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
