yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
