Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
