Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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