Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
