you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
