officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
