I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
