I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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