even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
