Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize