it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
