You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
