I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
