This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
