well I can't set my house on fire every night
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
