My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
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