If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
