margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
