On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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